As a storm rages outside, I am reminded of all the times during my years of illness when I longed for a calm in the storm of my life. I would drag myself through each day, each new crisis, promising myself that I was strong, I could make it through again, and that calm would come. It never did.
As time went on I became more desperate, more exhausted, until finally my health crashed completely. For a while I could barely get out of bed to the toilet, and my voice was too weak to even cope with phone calls. It no longer mattered how big a crisis others were facing, I physically could not help.
Suddenly, my body’s ‘failure’ gave me the quiet I craved, and then the nightmare really began. My mind filled with a desperate whirl of thoughts as I tried to understand what had happened. How could get my life back again? Why had my body let me down? Was I dying of something? Is this all that life would ever be? Some people, who were used to relying on me, became angry, questioning whether I was really ill, and I found myself in the middle of another, emotional, storm. It felt as if the roof had been ripped off my life and everything in it swept up and turned inside out.
Today, I sit in the quiet calm of my office, fully recovered and working to support others who are caught up in life’s storm. I am here because I learned that calm doesn’t come to those who wait, it is something that you have to create for yourself. I learned that:
Calm is something that has to be created and recreated every day.
Calm begins when you decide that you matter too.
Calm begins when you make the decision to stand your ground and set up some firm barriers to protect your space and time.
Calm begins when you allow yourself to say no to what depletes you.
Calm begins when you reconnect with what brings you joy.
Calm begins when you practise saying 'Yes!' to yourself.
Calm begins when you accept that you don’t have to do this alone.
Calm is already inside you, waiting to be discovered, nurtured, protected.
It takes practise and a willingness to let yourself fail again and again and again, as many times as it takes, because each time you ‘fail’, you learn. Slowly, slowly, you will find the storm receding, the clouds in your mind beginning to clear, the sunshine breaking through.
If you are struggling with a personal storm today, try taking a few moments out in a quiet place and practising the basic technique of havening that I demonstrate in a video here
You might also find my free Emotional Survival Kit helpful. In this downloadable pdf I offer tips and guidance on developing your own personalised Emotional First Aid Kit, and then take you through a menu of ideas for bringing calm and joy into every day. Click here to download your copy.
