Every year I get to the end of the Christmas holiday and wish I had another holiday to recover from the holidays!
This year I learned my lesson and decided to take the first week of January off too. That’s one of the great joys of having left behind shift-work and the pressure to work to other people’s timetables and expectations. Being self-employed means that it is in my boss’s interests to keep me sane and healthy.
Even so, on returning to work I’ve had to be very conscious not to get swept along in the usual expectation that January means new beginnings and lots of resolutions, active planning and frantic activity. With a barrage of adverts and social media posts advising how to ‘get on top of your life’, it is hard to keep in mind that this is the darkest, slowest time of the year. The natural inclination is to hunker down and conserve energy. You don’t see animals leaping around in the fields until the warmth and longer days come, do you? So why do we expect to hit the gym, obsess about our daily step-count, or create whole new systems for keeping on top of infinite To Do lists at this time? Why do we beat ourselves up over the weight gained, the targets missed, the lack of self-discipline, the ‘failure’ to get stuff done?
Here's the hard lesson that recovery taught me: it is OK to slow down or even stop, to be less productive, or even (heresy) completely unproductive, particularly in winter. When you are chronically exhausted this is a wonderful opportunity to let yourself have the rest you need, to turn inward and ‘winter’ yourself in the knowledge that the spring will come’, it always does. We are a part of nature, part of the seasonal cycles of growth, productivity, slowing and rest. As a gardener, this is the time when I know to sit down with the seed catalogues and dream of flowers, not to dig sodden soil. That gardening wisdom tells me that it’s OK to courie down like a bear now and use the time and space of winter to reflect on what I need to enable me to flourish, come spring. Like the trees, It’s OK to drop my leaves and need for show, and to ponder which dead wood in my life needs pruning back to encourage new growth and vigour. The aim is slow, thoughtful self-care now in preparation for really effective action that I can sustain later, when the time is right.
Snuggling down into winter reflection and self-care sounds good, but that slowing can be tough emotionally when you begin to realise just how much anxiety and pain the frantic activity and spinning thoughts were holding back. Many people find that resolutions to meditate and relax more often backfire; anxiety floods in to fill the space created. If this sounds familiar, now might be a good time to read, or re-read, my free Emotional Survival Kit, which you can download at this link, or from the popup. This will give you the tools you need to slow down gradually, to create calm and joyful spaces in every day, to step off that hamster wheel calmly and safely.
And if you are looking for a good read that will strengthen your resolve to resist the January whip crackers, try Slow by Carl Honoré, or Wintering by Katherine May.
Rest, knowing that recovery is possible, and that the first step towards recovery always lies in learning to slow down, to rest, to lay down the burden of expectations and be kind to yourself. Nothing lasts forever, even chronic exhaustion, and the first sharp green shoots of spring are already beginning to peek above the cold, sodden earth.